Lex and the City: The Office

Hello Lexers. I hope everyone is having a happy happy holiday. (In the war between Holidays and Christmas, I’m going with Holidays. I’m not trying to be accused of ethnic insensitivity.) And alas, I was going to take some time off and come back in January with a strong last term worth of relationship advice. However, it was when my friend and I realized that in 6 short months, we’d be (fingers crossed) crossing the academic threshold and entering the job market, or as we decided, an entirely new dating pool that I decided it was time to wean LATC out of Lex and explore different cities. And it was when we were talking about our future surrounded by coworkers instead of fellow students, I couldn’t help but wonder are the rules of dating/hooking up with colleagues the same as the rules we’ve mapped out for dating fellow students? Is it ok to crush over people you work with? In relationships, what happens when the one you relate with is also the one you work with?

Like most questions, the age old “should you jizz where you eat” has always plagued people. On one hand, the convenience and allure of being with someone you could potentially hook up in the supplies closet with is pretty much everyone’s fantasy. Then again, you have to worry about the awkwardness of breaking up, not calling, getting found out and potential sexual harassment suits. In order to assess the pros and cons properly, Lexers, we’ll have to relate this situation with situations we’ve been in before.

The primary difference between dating someone you work with and someone you learn with is when you’re learning, neither of you can be fired for having too much fun on top of the copy machine. The consequences of dating a coworker and getting found out are much greater than simply dating the creeper that sits in front of you and plays Farmville in class. We’re talking transfers, reprimands and some companies even impose fines on in office couples. Think about this, ladies and gentlemen, before you go traipsing around your office building’s co-op area for a casual lunch in front of all of your students fellow coworkers.

Also on the cons side of things is the fact that not all relationships end well, and when the person you’re with is also the person who has the power to make you look bad in front of your superiors, I’d say tread lightly. We’re not talking about that sexy group member who can merely wield the power of a peer evaluation if you decide not to call the next morning, but instead we’re talking about someone with letterhead… who can send memos… and who can ask you questions in meetings that they know you can’t answer. Scorned coworkers are ruthless and hitting it and quitting it in an irresponsible manner isn’t going to cut it the same way it did when you only had to fear of running into that person on the colonnade. Now you’re both on the same floor from 9 to 5, and ladies and gentlemen, no office building is big enough for that level of awkward.

With all that said, Lexers, with great risk comes some great reward. Imagine the money you’ll save on gas when you’re seeing someone who has to drive to the same place you do every day of the week (points if you’re carpooling with your Rachel Uchitel in your family minivan while your kid’s—from your first marriage—booster seats are still in the back. I saw it coming down Washington, Lexers. No joke. Scandal of the Year 2009 just keeps getting better!). Who can say no to a sexy ride share with the chance of road-handy on the way to work? Exactly. And I’m not even going to mention the quickie possibilities, mostly because you’ll be reading this over the holidays and in mixed company and I wouldn’t want anyone to blush in front of Nana (but seriously. Just imagine). And then there’s the four play. The in office flirting, the secret memos (again on letterhead), the dodging other coworker’s suspecting eyes are enough to elevate any regular flirtation into a gloriously sexy thing.

So as we all inch closer to a world when we’ll no longer be thinking about what’s kosher in an academic setting but instead in a professional setting, I encourage you Lexers to give the old office fling a shot. Be careful though, ladies and gentlemen, to keep away from your boss. Though tempting as well, I’d caution that you not stroke with the hand that feeds you… that sort of thing can get messy in different ways and deserves its own weekly topic. Just don’t do it for now. Have a happy holiday, Lexers. Oh fuck it. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!