A Lexington Q&A

So, Lexers, some of you actually took  my offer seriously and sent me some pretty serious questions. I’m happy to oblige below with a couple of my favorites and a few thoughts. If you’re slow on the uptake, send in your best relationship or non-relationship related questions and I will attempt to use my expertise to answer what it is that is concerning you Lexers.

Question: Northface or Patagonia? Which is better?

Answer: Funny you should ask that because I was just getting ready to do some online shopping for a little new outer wear myself. There couldn’t be a more timely question as I’m currently watching the campus get pelted once again with snow while Provost Aprille sits idly by, twiddling her thumbs, stroking her cat and knitting herself a wool scarf (you can’t blame her, though, Lexers. I’m sure her contact solution is stuck somewhere, Fedex having no way to deliver it and all, and she simply can’t see the snow.) The answer to this, however, is a matter purely of taste. There’s nothing really different about the two brands save the fact that one is actually for mountain climbing and the other is for pretend mountain climbing. I give the edge to the one with mountains on the breastplate. Other than that, I see no dissernable difference— although I almost discarded this question because you omitted the very important and pretentious “The” from The Northface’s brand name. You really shouldn’t do that.

Question: What do you think of the healthy dating posters? Good ideas for a relationship?

Answer: You know, I’m all for healthy dating, I really am. I think there’s more to life than frat basements, drunken makeouts and tawdry threesomes. And though some of the ideas on the Healthy Dating posters are brilliant, some are just simply ill-advised. The majority of those suggestions include long term trips that offer no safe exit strategy. Go to Monticello? Cruise around the nation’s capital to look at monuments? Really, healthy dating? And what are you supposed to do when you get fed up with the other person somewhere between the Lincoln Memorial and the Capitol Building? Throw yourself into the pool at the end of the National Mall and pray for the best? And heaven forbid the “new restaurant” you tried on the way to Monticello doesn’t sit well and you have to sit in the car with someone you don’t like while you have gas… We say keep it closer to home so that when you get bored, you can always hop on Travs and find your way back home. We here at LATC generally don’t support couples that begin their relationship as “doers.” This causes unrealistic expectations moving forward, and let’s be honest… you can only visit Foamhenge so many times. We say the best dates are close to home and don’t involve very much. Give us a bowl of Ramen and a movie that’s easy to lose interest in and your game for a date any day of the week.