Bejeweled, Bewitched, Bewildered

Why Hello there you Stay-Up-Laters. So it was just the other morning when a friend of mine and I were up late, watching trashy infomercials on TBN when one came on encouraging people to bedazzle their nether parts. According to a testimonial I read online later, 22% of women find it acceptable to va-jazzle… the lady version of be-jeweling. (in case you were wondering, the male version is to di-gazzle or to manscape. Just so you know).

Well it was when a friend of mine and I were discussing this new phenomenon, that he confessed that he too manscapes what the good Lord above gave him. In fact, just the other day, my friend’s mother sent him a pretty penny to get a haircut as his hair was growing quite long and she’d prefer to see it trimmed before graduation. Instead of cutting his hair above, my fairly feathered friend took the money, got his junk wig trimmed and some bejewels added on and finished the day treatment with a well tipped happy ending (clearly I can’t tell you where he got this service done… but I wouldn’t be surprised if the happy ending part was a fabrication.)

It appears ladies and gentlemen that we’re in an era when simple hygiene just won’t do. In relationships these days you’ve got to offer something special. Whether it be the crown jewel or a nicely trimmed treasure trail—both of which can be achieved by a nice young lady whose feet may or may not have been bound at some point in her adolescence— and if you don’t have the extra sparkle, chances are the opposite party won’t feel the spark. Until next time Lexers, check out some of these home be-jeweling kits.

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